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I know when I have exactly given my all. I know when I have exactly given more than my all. I thought I can do it every single day of my life. However, I realize I can't. Not because it isn't possible, but because it's tiring. Yes, I still want to do it, but sleep takes over my body quickly. The energy that I used to have is used up already. I feel like a tire that's been forcing myself to roll on asphalt roads despite not having enough air. I can already feel the sharp texture of the asphalt on my very bone. This can't continue anymore.
I am never the type of person who gets to dwell on the negative and stressful side of things no matter how important they are (from school stuff to work). I tried, but I just couldn't. I tend to stress myself more on "insignificant" stuff (ie. my favorite kpop artists and issues they have to live with, the lack of plot and time for my next fan fiction, etc), because they're easier and far more interesting. However, I don't put aside the real important things I have to attend to. It's just easier to deal with them when I don't think much about them. That way, when I get them done, I can give myself a sigh of relief and a smile. I don't rush to go home and collapse on my bed because I don't feel that tired.
I complain, true. However, I learned long ago that complaining about things never get anything done. High school taught me how to find my way around things on my own terms. Whether they result to good outcome or not, it is another lesson learned that could be used the next time around. I would always try and try until I find the process that worked, or even if not, at least the process of looking for that process actually helps me get things done. I enjoy it, to be honest. I came to enjoy it as time went by. It's exciting (though I have to admit that I get lazy). Moreover, I'm thankful for it. At least, I'm surviving in the real world.
Therefore, I hate hearing people complain over and over about the same things. Day after day. Week after week. I know things are not right. However, if things have been going the same way for quite some time, isn't it safe to assume that it's already a part of a routine and process that cannot be easily changed? It's like you know it's going to be like this already, therefore, why waste energy to complain? I don't simply get it. Even though, other things can be improved - should be improved - still, it is how it is going for awhile now. Therefore, people should've learned how to adapt to it and find their way around it. Complaining is lazy. Why bother when you will just do what you're supposed to do anyway?
I complain, true. However, I learned long ago that complaining about things never get anything done. High school taught me how to find my way around things on my own terms. Whether they result to good outcome or not, it is another lesson learned that could be used the next time around. I would always try and try until I find the process that worked, or even if not, at least the process of looking for that process actually helps me get things done. I enjoy it, to be honest. I came to enjoy it as time went by. It's exciting (though I have to admit that I get lazy). Moreover, I'm thankful for it. At least, I'm surviving in the real world.
Therefore, I hate hearing people complain over and over about the same things. Day after day. Week after week. I know things are not right. However, if things have been going the same way for quite some time, isn't it safe to assume that it's already a part of a routine and process that cannot be easily changed? It's like you know it's going to be like this already, therefore, why waste energy to complain? I don't simply get it. Even though, other things can be improved - should be improved - still, it is how it is going for awhile now. Therefore, people should've learned how to adapt to it and find their way around it. Complaining is lazy. Why bother when you will just do what you're supposed to do anyway?
challenges
Feb. 28th, 2014 10:39 pmi feel nice lately. i don't know if it's because i borrowed some books i've been wanting to read. or i'm writing a story i know i can finish. or i was able to fix my old laptop. the last is my most recent achievement. i always feel good when i fix something without asking anymore (aside from the Internet) for help. it makes me feel smart and useful. i know that there are many things that i don't know, but whenever i do things other people can't, i feel really awesome.
i guess this feeling is normal. people are too used to belittling themselves all the time. i used to do that too. however, it made me feel really miserable. thus, i tried to make myself feel good by thinking of the things other can't do that i can. it wasn't very long that the "trying" stopped being "trying." it has become a constant way of my life. but, i'm confident enough that it hasn't got into my head yet. it will never get to my head, i'm very sure of that.
my professor told us that we should not think that we are smarter than other people because other people can be smarter than us in one way or the other. and i believe that this is true. all people are unique. they have their own strengths and weaknesses. when i know that i can't do something, i always seek for help at once. i only give up on looking for help when all the people i asked failed to help me. thankfully, i love challenges. i'm just not confident enough to take them on without watching other people take them first.
i guess this feeling is normal. people are too used to belittling themselves all the time. i used to do that too. however, it made me feel really miserable. thus, i tried to make myself feel good by thinking of the things other can't do that i can. it wasn't very long that the "trying" stopped being "trying." it has become a constant way of my life. but, i'm confident enough that it hasn't got into my head yet. it will never get to my head, i'm very sure of that.
my professor told us that we should not think that we are smarter than other people because other people can be smarter than us in one way or the other. and i believe that this is true. all people are unique. they have their own strengths and weaknesses. when i know that i can't do something, i always seek for help at once. i only give up on looking for help when all the people i asked failed to help me. thankfully, i love challenges. i'm just not confident enough to take them on without watching other people take them first.
the bad side of waiting
Jan. 28th, 2014 10:17 ami do not have a lot of plans for this year. but i have huge plans and they are not executable until the last quarter of the year. it is frustrating. having to wait for how many months is just painful. the problem is i am not the type of person who likes to wait. i want things to be done in an instant even if i drag my job a lot. but the thing is, i am tired of this life that i currently have. i want a new one. it is true that i can just throw what i currently have away but i am scared that things will mess up. therefore, i want to be prepared before i drop everything and exit this life.
the last time i acted on a whim, i suffered the setbacks of my actions for one year. i do not want that to happen again. this time, i want to do them one step at a time and i know that doing this requires waiting. unfortunately, i do not know long i can stay patient, especially since i am very, very tired of everything. i want to live a life that i want, not a life that life wants me to have. it sucks not having much choice on important things.
the last time i acted on a whim, i suffered the setbacks of my actions for one year. i do not want that to happen again. this time, i want to do them one step at a time and i know that doing this requires waiting. unfortunately, i do not know long i can stay patient, especially since i am very, very tired of everything. i want to live a life that i want, not a life that life wants me to have. it sucks not having much choice on important things.
going on an adventure
Jan. 15th, 2014 07:46 amthe world is big. there are a lot of things to see and experience. unfortunately, traveling is not cheap. if it were, maybe i would be more inclined to jump on every plane that lands on the airport runway. i have read stories wherein a character leaves everything behind to travel to other places. i wish it is that easy in real life (maybe, it is for those fortunate and wealthy souls). people think i want to be confined to where i am right now. they are so wrong. i want to go somewhere. it is just unfortunate that i have to win the lottery to be able to go there. europe - it has always been my dream destination. i want to stroll along the streets of england, france, italy and spain. i want to look at the old magnificent structures and see how elegant they are in reality.
i am addicted to asia. my choice of music is korean pop music. i am in love with chinese history. japanese culture is my favorite culture. still, there is something in europe that makes its country more appealing. maybe, it is because, despite the modern developments in technology, most european countries still managed to save its old structures even in their major cities. it is very different compared to the advanced modern buildings that are found in asian major cities.
europe is like a good place for escape. it will be so nice to let go of yourself in its beautiful cities that seem to have the ability to take the people somewhere back in time. maybe, i will be able to set a foot in even just one place in europe. i prefer to go there on my own, though. it will already be a dream come true if that happens. one step at a time? perhaps. for now, i will explore those countries near me. places that i might just ignore once i reach my dream destination.
i am addicted to asia. my choice of music is korean pop music. i am in love with chinese history. japanese culture is my favorite culture. still, there is something in europe that makes its country more appealing. maybe, it is because, despite the modern developments in technology, most european countries still managed to save its old structures even in their major cities. it is very different compared to the advanced modern buildings that are found in asian major cities.
europe is like a good place for escape. it will be so nice to let go of yourself in its beautiful cities that seem to have the ability to take the people somewhere back in time. maybe, i will be able to set a foot in even just one place in europe. i prefer to go there on my own, though. it will already be a dream come true if that happens. one step at a time? perhaps. for now, i will explore those countries near me. places that i might just ignore once i reach my dream destination.
from nothing at all
Oct. 12th, 2013 11:05 amit is amazing how people can fill an empty space with words even though they do not have anything in mind to write initially. writers say that if you want to write but having nothing to write about, you should just write. i took that advice to heart and followed it for several times now. at first, i would spend minutes staring at a black page - be in on a paper or an empty post like this on the Internet. then, i would always start with "i want to write but i don't know what i should write." after that, it's like the paper and the pen just take over me and, after awhile, the page is already filled with words about a specific topic already. then, i always ask, "how did i end up with this?"
i guess there's really no such thing like a writer's block. because you can always write something even though you have no idea what to write. it's just really laziness that hinders someone from writing. i'm sure a lot of writers are also guilty of that. though it really helps if your mind has a specific subject. it makes things faster. but you don't always find yourself face-to-face with a subject. also, the itch to write can come even though you don't have a subject. that itch always drives me crazy. it makes me lose my will to focus on things i should do. there's no way to ignore it. so, i would always grab my notebook and pen. though it's time consuming to think of something to write, i still squeeze my brain to calm that itch.
writing is an addiction. it messes your head with stuff. it doesn't leave you alone until you do what it wants you to do. it's a monster that enslaves you under its whim. there's no escaping. you can put it aside. however, in the end, you'll just find yourse
i guess there's really no such thing like a writer's block. because you can always write something even though you have no idea what to write. it's just really laziness that hinders someone from writing. i'm sure a lot of writers are also guilty of that. though it really helps if your mind has a specific subject. it makes things faster. but you don't always find yourself face-to-face with a subject. also, the itch to write can come even though you don't have a subject. that itch always drives me crazy. it makes me lose my will to focus on things i should do. there's no way to ignore it. so, i would always grab my notebook and pen. though it's time consuming to think of something to write, i still squeeze my brain to calm that itch.
writing is an addiction. it messes your head with stuff. it doesn't leave you alone until you do what it wants you to do. it's a monster that enslaves you under its whim. there's no escaping. you can put it aside. however, in the end, you'll just find yourse
beneath the surface
Aug. 11th, 2013 07:11 pmi guess people cannot live without any secrets. i think it's natural that people will start to feel uneasy when they think that everyone around them knows everything about them. they need a side that they can hide from others because it keeps their sanity. it's possible that having everything out in the open can make someone feel trapped. thus, this hidden side that people have is their "safe place" - the place where they can let the thoughts that kept to themselves run free without anyone judging them, the place where they can pretend to be someone that they aren't without anyone catching them. it's like having "another life" while being hidden maybe inside their room or some place else where they can keep the people from the outside world from entering.
however, i also think that these "secrets" are hard to hide. at one point or another, people will want to share them. normally, they will talk to people who are really close to them. on the other hand, there are some who wants to share these "secrets" to the world but they don't want people - especially those who are close to them - to know that they were from them. the simple reason is because they are afraid to get judged. people live in a very judgmental world. even people's own family and friends judge them for what they think and it hurts because people just want to be heard. keeping something for so long can also drive people crazy, which is why they need to talk to someone but that someone might not do what they want them to do, which is to just listen.
this is how i think because this is how i feel. there are things that i'm keeping to myself because i know i can't tell anyone about them. i'm scared of what they might say and i'm scared that they might not look at me the same way again. i don't want to lose the people i love because of these stupid secrets but i feel like i'm suffocating myself because of them. i want to shout these secrets to the world but i don't want the world to know that it's me who's shouting them. it's pathetic but i don't care. the internet gave the people the privilege to hide who they really our. we make friends even though we only know their usernames and use their display pictures as their faces. thus, i'm going to maximize this privilege.
i will fill this place with thoughts that i will never share to people i see everyday. i will publish stories and make people think that a different person wrote them. i want the world to know my thoughts and stories but as a different person. being a coward will keep me safe from the harsh reality that can throw at me. being a coward is my only way to protect the dark corners of my mind that i can't bravely share to everybody.
however, i also think that these "secrets" are hard to hide. at one point or another, people will want to share them. normally, they will talk to people who are really close to them. on the other hand, there are some who wants to share these "secrets" to the world but they don't want people - especially those who are close to them - to know that they were from them. the simple reason is because they are afraid to get judged. people live in a very judgmental world. even people's own family and friends judge them for what they think and it hurts because people just want to be heard. keeping something for so long can also drive people crazy, which is why they need to talk to someone but that someone might not do what they want them to do, which is to just listen.
this is how i think because this is how i feel. there are things that i'm keeping to myself because i know i can't tell anyone about them. i'm scared of what they might say and i'm scared that they might not look at me the same way again. i don't want to lose the people i love because of these stupid secrets but i feel like i'm suffocating myself because of them. i want to shout these secrets to the world but i don't want the world to know that it's me who's shouting them. it's pathetic but i don't care. the internet gave the people the privilege to hide who they really our. we make friends even though we only know their usernames and use their display pictures as their faces. thus, i'm going to maximize this privilege.
i will fill this place with thoughts that i will never share to people i see everyday. i will publish stories and make people think that a different person wrote them. i want the world to know my thoughts and stories but as a different person. being a coward will keep me safe from the harsh reality that can throw at me. being a coward is my only way to protect the dark corners of my mind that i can't bravely share to everybody.